It’s mother’s day week and boy am I feeling the feelings.

This entry may be relatable to some and not to others.

If the topic of parent loss (or loss at all) is something you’d rather not dip your toes in right now then that is valid and I will see you in the next one.

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My professional focus and personal passion is mental health and having a milestone like mother’s day looming is a topic close to my heart that affects my own mental health.

A big theme of my life for the past 11 years has been balancing motherhood and mother loss and that makes the upcoming holiday tricky.

Mother’s day looks so different for everyone and I have noticed in the last few years that the media embraces that a bit more than they used to by being sensitive to the spectrum of mother-related experiences.

Each year in April I get a marketing email from a cosmetic company I represent asking if I would like to opt out of mother’s day emails and I really love that they offer that option. For some reason though I never opt out! Am I a masochist? No. I just think April Steph has amnesia about this time last year or a false sense of strength in this department. And every year is different…or I expect it to be.

When I find myself wondering what is up with my moods and I examine all the things: what did I eat? is my blood sugar in check? have I been moving enough? what have my social media habits been like? where am I in my cycle? is it a full moon lunar eclipse?

Then a light goes off in my head.

There is a quote in my favourite tv show that a friend pointed out to me and I tend to remember it when I find myself at a total loss about my mood:

“When I’m out of sorts, I look at the calendar. There’s usually something significant on the horizon.”

100%. 🙌

The body remembers everything before the mind does.

And just like last year when I set a cheery little calendar reminder to plant begonias this Spring, I am going to set a very practical one for April next year.

A beautiful love note to myself to remember that I may or may not experience a touch of angst right now and to be gentle with myself. To allow the waves of grief to flow through me because emotions are feelings in motion so keeping them stuck and frozen makes them a million times more painful. They need to come up and out.

As someone who uses and teaches tools to support mental health I have to remind myself that there are times when trying harder isn’t going to cut it.

Sometimes it helps to immerse yourself in some nostalgia and get those tears to work their magic. The oxytocin and endorphins released in a good cry is so incredibly healing.

And a piece of cake on your grandmother’s china plate while you write a blog post can also be the best medicine!

I am grateful that I didn’t wait until Sunday to listen to my body’s signs because the intensity might be lessened by giving it space (and feeding it cake) today.

Or it won’t but at least I won’t be blindsided.

I’d like to also thank you for holding that space for me today by taking time to read this. Writing is something that I find incredibly therapeutic and having a community to share with is a blessing. More connection is the antidote for all of us even when we think we need to withdraw.

If this week is a mixed bag for you and you needed a reminder to be gentle with yourself then I hope this helps.

Consider making time to write in your journal and get your feelings moving a bit if you need that. You can also send your future self a gentle reminder for next year like I plan to.

As always you are welcome to reach out to me if you want – I’m here for it!

Wherever you find yourself on the mom spectrum this Sunday I am wishing you a happy YOU day above all else.